When your world has been turned upside down
Parashat Ki Tisa • Exodus 30:11–34:35
Holding On
There are moments in life when everything feels unstable — when the ground shifts beneath you, when the path forward feels unclear, when your own heart feels cracked open by fear or grief or simply the relentless weight of not knowing what comes next.
Many of us are familiar with this feeling– and the Israelites knew that feeling, too. While Moses was on the mountain receiving the Torah, they panicked and built a golden calf. They broke faith with God — and with themselves. And yet, in the aftermath of that brokenness, something extraordinary happened. Moses climbed the mountain again. And God, in what becomes one of the most luminous passages in all of Torah, revealed the Divine essence — not in thunderclouds or commandments, but in thirteen attributes of compassion.
Here’s my Torah illumination for Parashat Ki Tisa.
“Adonai, Adonai — compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abundant in loving-kindness and truth.”
יהוה יהוה אל רחום וחנון ארך אפים ורב חסד ואמת
This is Moses’ second ascent of Sinai. The first tablets have been shattered. The golden calf has been destroyed. And now, in the wake of catastrophic failure — both the people’s and Moses’ own — God doesn’t lead with wrath. God passes before Moses and shows rachamim, compassion.
The human struggle is that in our most difficult moments — when we are exhausted, frightened, or carrying more than feels manageable — it can be hard to maintain equanimity. We may pray, and feel nothing. We may reach for connection, and feel distance.
Ki Tisa doesn’t give us a story of smooth spiritual ascent. It gives us a story of breaking and repairing, of descent and return, of shattered tablets — and new ones. We are not called to be unbreakable. We are called to return, again and again, to our best selves. To show up in the world the way God shows up for us: compassionate, slow to anger, abundant in chesed– loving-kindness
For those who are interested in my creative process, here are some of the sketches I did for this parasha.
My prayer for this week: “Testament”
Compassionate God,
abundant in loving-kindness and truth,
make my life a testament
to Your majesty and goodness.
Bless me with Your guidance.
Help me find the strength
to dig deep into my soul
and pray with passion and purpose.
Help me choose my thoughts
and words with care,
so all I say and do will be done
with compassion and love.
Kindle within my heart
a deepening desire
to partner with You, Adonai,
Creator of Infinite Possibility
in the holy work of repairing the world.
TNBC Awareness Month: Being Present to What Is True in this Moment
March is Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) Awareness Month — and for our family, it is not a statistic. It is a story still being written.
TNBC is an aggressive form of breast cancer that accounts for about 15% of all breast cancer diagnoses. It is called “triple negative” because it tests negative for the three receptors that fuel most breast cancers — estrogen, progesterone, and HER2 — which means it doesn’t respond to hormone therapy, and treatment options are more limited. TNBC disproportionately affects younger women, women of color, and women who carry the BRCA gene mutation.
As many of you know, my daughter Samantha was diagnosed with stage 4 triple-negative breast cancer in October. She continues to navigate this unwelcome journey with strength and courage, and our entire family is grateful for the support we’ve received. Having a caring community is a blessing! I would be grateful if you would continue to include Sam— Shira Natanya bat Yocheved— in your Mi Shebeirach (healing) prayers.
I also want to take a moment to encourage you to speak with your doctor about genetic testing — particularly if you have Ashkenazi Jewish ancestry. As I’ve shared before, 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jews carries a BRCA gene mutation — approximately ten times the rate of the general population — significantly increasing the risk of breast, ovarian, and other cancers. Knowing your risk is an act of love for yourself and for those who depend on you.
Ki Tisa has something to teach us here, too. There are moments in life when we would give anything for the situation to be different. When we cannot fix what is broken. When the path forward is unclear, and all we can do is show up — present to what is true, even when what is true is painful. The Jewish tradition teaches us that yissurin — the things we would never choose — can crack us open in ways that deepen our capacity for compassion, for presence, for connection with God and with one another. Grief can be a catalyst for soul growth. Not because pain is good, but because how we move through it — with intention, with faith, with community — can transform us.
If someone you love has been diagnosed with TNBC, I encourage you to visit the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation for resources and support.
A Free Coloring Card: Strength & Courage
In honor of TNBC Awareness Month, I’m sharing this Zenspirations® coloring card — a ribbon of strength and courage — for you to download, print, color, and send to someone who needs a reminder that they are not alone. If you color one, please send me a picture! I’d love to see it!
Spiritual Practice Suggestion
This week, try what I think of as a Compassion Inventory — a short, quiet practice of turning God’s thirteen attributes toward yourself.
Sit with these words: compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abundant in loving-kindness, truthful. Then ask: which of these do I most need to receive right now? Which do I most need to offer — to myself, or to someone I love who is struggling?
Write one word at the top of a blank page. Let it be your intention for the week.
Guided Journaling Questions
- Where in your life are you being invited to simply be present — to what is true, even when it is hard?
- What would it look like to make your life a testament — not a perfect one, but a real one?
- When have you experienced brokenness that eventually became a catalyst for soul growth?
- Is there someone in your life who is fighting a difficult battle? What is one way — however small — that you can be present to them this week?
Closing Blessing
May you find the courage to pray with passion and purpose —
even when the words don’t come easily.
May your life become a testament not to perfection,
but to presence, connection, and to love.
May the holy work of repair
feel less like a burden and more like an invitation.
May you be blessed with the strength to show up —
for those you love, for the world that needs you, and for yourself.
And may the light of loving-kindness
guide every step of your journey.